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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Amy Shiner on Huffington Post: A "Deli" Approach to Polyamory

Huffington Post Gay Voices Blogger Amy Shiner tells a story there about being kinky and poly that I think will resonate for many living their lives similarly.  As I offered in comments, I've been working with kinky poly people as an educator for a while now, and I've observed what she describes fairly often. Today the practice of polyamory in kink circles seems to be all over the place, some of which does not much resemble polyamory to me, but far be it from me to tell anyone how they ought to identify.   
 What I do know is that humans are genetically programmed to pair bond - just not exclusively.  I am very much one who wants and needs such a relationship foundation in my life. This innate desire transcends polyamory and monogamy and speaks to the roots of who we are as human beings.  It's an evolutionary strategy so as to produce offspring and better guarantee the survival of humankind.  This doesn't take into account whether we are fertile, whether we want to have children, or even over-population.  It just is.  It seems clear to me that Amy is perhaps no different from many other people. 
Certainly not everyone wants this, but many do, if not most.  In order to find such a relationship partner, I recommend focusing on those who are emotionally available for engaging in deeply pair bonded, committed long-term love relationships.  Those already committed to someone may not be able to offer enough of the time and attention needed by many, so those who are also single-ish like Amy is right now may be a better choice. 
Those who are interested in finding out more about creating a kinky poly life may wish to check out my workshop handout entitled "Emotional Edge Play: Polyamory for BDSM/Leather/Fetish Folk" for more on this.
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